College and my first relationship

I was still seeing some of my classmates from school in college. In retrospective, that wasn't a good idea. It felt like the abuse transferred to my new life, in a smaller scale.

When I graduated from high school and went to college, I was very excited. Not only was I going to study a subject I loved, computer science, but I knew I would meet new people. The psychological abuse would not be there, or at least that's what I thought. The reality was something else. Among the people I studied with, more than eighty people, I stupidly chose to stick to the ones I already knew. Big mistake, this people kept filling my life with negativity and criticism. Have I been as confident as I am today, I would have simply stopped talking to them, but no, I thought I would not have been able to make new friends, or at least talk to other classmates or just be alone. One semester went by and everything seemed to go well, but I wasn't noticing the cesspool growing in my mind, telling myself I was not enough, not worthy of love, not worthy of happiness. It was at this time I met Silvia. My first girlfriend. It was a happy accident, for the first week.

Silvia was as troubled as I was to say the least. On top of that, let's just say I didn't even think twice before asking her to be my girlfriend. I attached myself to the first person who showed me a little bit of love, and that was another big mistake that I ended up regretting. My relationship with Silvia lasted eleven months, eleven months full of fights, with her. I didn't break up because I didn't want to be alone, and she didn't do it... honestly because I asked her not to. I was pathetic, but today I'm able to accept it. Having that relationship was a step in the right direction in retrospect, it showed me what someone not meant to be with me looked like, showed me to look for a partner who was compatible with me. Finally, after ending that relationship, I finally got away from the people I got together with in college. It was painful to look at that people, specially since my now ex girlfriend was still going with them and I didn't want to look at her. 

After the breakup with Silvia, I distanced myself from my old "friend" group, met one new friend, who helped me a bunch after that, and finally started my metamorphosis. The process was long and still very painful, but I think it was then when the new me started gestating. A combination of new experiences and failures after this transformed me into what I am today.